[H-GEN] FW: Jokes -Forwarded (fwd)

[Brent Wesley]

> Looks like Bill's done it again...
> 
> >>> Contraceptive 98
> >>>  ------------------------
> >>> 
> >>> Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every
> >>> aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a
> suite
> >>> of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
> >>> Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and
> >>> play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage
> in
> >>> penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
> >>> The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus
> >>> protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation
> of
> >>> human beings.
> >>> The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98,
> DeFetus
> >>> 1.0	(from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).  A
> free
> >>> copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.
> >>> 
> >>> The suite also comes in two expanded versions.  Contraceptive98
> >>> Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the
> sexual
> >>> services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package
> for
> >>> startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.
> >>> While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional copulatory
> >>> channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.  They will be
> known
> >>> as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.
> >>> OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install
> the
> >>> package. At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum
> >>> hardware.  If the user meets the requirements, the product installs
> and is
> >>> sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements.  After installation,
> >>> operation commences.  One caution is that the user must have
> sufficient
> >>> RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a
> disconnect is
> >>> initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off
> your
> >>> partner.
> >>> DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a
> major
> >>> concern during beta testing.  General Protection Fault was the most
> >>> serious error encountered.  Early versions had numerous bugs, but most
> >>> of   
> >>> these have been eliminated.  The product needs to be installed each
> time
> >>> its used.
> >>> CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product.  Despite its
> drawbacks,
> >>> it is a reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far
> >>> superior to its shareware version.  Hopefully, future releases (of the
> >>> software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and
> >>> Restore, Uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.
> >>> Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about Contraceptive98's
> potential.
> >>> He recently said, "Our contraceptive products will help users do to
> each
> >>> other what we've been doing to our customers for years."
> 
> 

----------------------- HUMBUG General List --------------------------------
echo "unsubscribe general" | mail majordomo at humbug.org.au # To Unsubscribe