[H-GEN] Fwd: FW: Darwin Awards - final line up

Brent Wesley BWesley at bhcons.com.au
Wed Jul 22 20:17:11 EDT 1998


> I warn you, it's quite long...
> 
> >      Think of the most stupid thing you have ever done, the most
> > idiotic,
> >      unthinking, moronic activity that it was your misfortune to have
> > ever
> >      got involved in and then hang your head in shame when you compare
> >      yourself, a rank amateur, with the following stunning achievements:
> > 
> > 
> > **********************************************************************
> > 
> >      They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
> >      Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
> > 
> >      universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in
> > the
> >      most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year
> > has
> >      been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
> > 
> >      lives for this event.
> > 
> >      The Darwin Awards Nominees
> > 
> >      1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
> > in
> >      two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
> > 18-inch-wide
> >      sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
> > 
> >      2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
> > "totally
> >      zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off
> > a
> >      200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
> > 
> >      3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
> > had
> >      dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said
> > Daniel
> >      Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
> > had
> >      been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
> > it
> >      collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
> > 
> >      People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
> > shovels,
> >      trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA,
> > but
> >      could not reach him.  It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
> >      almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones
> > was
> >      pronounced dead at a hospital.
> > 
> >      4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
> > he
> >      fell  face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> >      burglarizing.  Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
> > placed
> >      in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
> >      skull as he hit the floor.
> > 
> >      5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
> >      20,was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
> > 
> >      23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the
> > flak
> >      vest Berrena was wearing.
> > 
> >      6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
> > Selbyville,
> >      Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
> >      revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
> > trigger.
> > 
> >      7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta,
> > 
> >      27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning
> > a
> >      tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
> > snowmobiles.
> > 
> >      8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff
> > near
> >      Ozark, Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked
> > 
> >      the spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.
> > 
> >      9. AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre
> >      accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by
> >      flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of
> > whiplash
> >      and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered
> > 
> >      torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her
> > right
> >      hand had been bitten off.
> > 
> >      Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
> >      and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at
> > him.
> >      "I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really
> > close
> >      to the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it
> > couldn't
> >      have been for more than two seconds."
> > 
> >      However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control of  his cab,
> >      running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical
> >      Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
> >      Corcoran's  teeth. The crash of the cab against  the building made
> > her
> >      jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick.  In shock, he
> > bit
> >      down, severing two fingers fromKlesick's hand. Moeller's wound was
> >      caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
> > 
> >      10. TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
> > 
> >      three birth-control vaginal inserts.  Her English was so bad she
> > had
> >      to draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned
> >      herself.  A translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed
> >      doctors' suspicions.
> >      Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
> > gum,
> >      being unable  to read the foil wrappers.  After the third one, she
> >      realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to
> > fill
> >      with a sour-tasting foam.  She ran for the Poison Control Center,
> > only
> >      a few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from
> > her
> >      mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill effects.
> > 
> >      11. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
> > friends
> >      when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
> > 
> >      the Tacoma Narrows  Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
> > conversation
> >      grew more
> >      heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
> > at
> >      4:30 a.m.
> > 
> >      Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they  discovered that no
> > 
> >      one had
> >      brought bungee rope.  Bingham, who had continued drinking,
> > volunteered
> >      and pointed out that a coil of cable had been left near the
> > railing.
> >      Improvising, the cable was tied to Bingham's leg and the other end
> > was
> >      tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet  before the cable
> >      tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
> > survived
> >      his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
> >      fishermen.
> > 
> >      "All I can say,"said  Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me
> > on
> >      that night.  There's just no other  explanation for it."  Bingham's
> > 
> >      foot was never  located.
> > 
> >      12. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a
> > 
> >      robbery.  This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the
> >      fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his
> >      terminally stupid choices as listed below:
> > 
> >      1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
> > 
> >      2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
> >      portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
> >      handguns in public places;
> > 
> >      3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol
> > car
> >      parked at the front door;
> > 
> >      4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
> >      coffee before reporting to duty.  Upon seeing the officer, the
> >      would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The
> >      officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the
> > gene
> >      pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't
> > fire.
> >      No one else was hurt.
> > 
> >      13. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he
> >      decided to commit suicide.  He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
> > 
> >      tied a noose around his neck.  He tied the other end of the rope to
> > a
> >      large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes.
> > 
> >      He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.  He jumped and
> >      fired the pistol.  The bullet missed him completely and cut through
> > 
> >      the rope above him.  Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
> > 
> >      the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him
> > vomit
> >      the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and
> > 
> >      was taken to hospital, where he died - of hypothermia.
> > 
> >      DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS
> >      (1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
> >      millipede with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet
> >      ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in
> > 
> >      the head, fracturing his skull.
> > 
> >      (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
> > 
> >      out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
> >      propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
> >      floors of his house.
> > 
> >      (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
> >      September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick
> > of
> >      dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM,
> > the
> >      bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
> > to
> >      see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that
> > the
> >      window was closed.
> > 
> >      (4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
> > 
> >      festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting.
> > This
> >      year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were
> >      injured,including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said
> > one
> >      participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a thousand
> >      Morons."
> > 
> > 
> > 
> >      AND THE WINNER IS....
> > 
> >      Japan Times-April 16, 1997 "The government must crack down on
> > this
> >      disgusting craze of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon
> > Ratchasima
> >      hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will
> >      destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."
> > 
> >      He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai
> >      Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.
> >      "Most 'Pumpers' use a
> >      standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far up
> >      their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary
> > 
> >      high.
> > 
> >      This act is a sin against God."  Charnchai took it further still.
> > He
> >      started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't
> > exciting
> >      enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try
> > the
> >      compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to
> > do
> >      it so, under cover of  darkness, he snuck in.  Not realizing how
> >      powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his
> > rectum,
> >      and
> >      placed a coin in the slot.
> > 
> >      As a result, he died virtually instantly,  but passers-by are still
> > in
> >      shock. One woman thought she was watching a  twilight fireworks
> >      display, and started clapping. "We still haven't  located all of
> > him",
> >      say the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted
> > with
> >      the gas in his system, he nearly exploded.  It was like an atom
> > bomb
> >      went off or something." "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and  we
> > must
> >      all say no to Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by
> > all
> >       means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
> > 
> >      Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed
> >      Darwin Awards recipient!




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