[H-GEN] Fwd: FW: Darwin Awards - final line up
Brent Wesley
BWesley at bhcons.com.au
Wed Jul 22 20:17:11 EDT 1998
> I warn you, it's quite long...
>
> > Think of the most stupid thing you have ever done, the most
> > idiotic,
> > unthinking, moronic activity that it was your misfortune to have
> > ever
> > got involved in and then hang your head in shame when you compare
> > yourself, a rank amateur, with the following stunning achievements:
> >
> >
> > **********************************************************************
> >
> > They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
> > Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
> >
> > universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in
> > the
> > most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year
> > has
> > been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
> >
> > lives for this event.
> >
> > The Darwin Awards Nominees
> >
> > 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
> > in
> > two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
> > 18-inch-wide
> > sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
> >
> > 2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
> > "totally
> > zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off
> > a
> > 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
> >
> > 3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
> > had
> > dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said
> > Daniel
> > Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
> > had
> > been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when
> > it
> > collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
> >
> > People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
> > shovels,
> > trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA,
> > but
> > could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
> > almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones
> > was
> > pronounced dead at a hospital.
> >
> > 4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
> > he
> > fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
> > burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
> > placed
> > in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
> > skull as he hit the floor.
> >
> > 5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
> > 20,was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
> >
> > 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the
> > flak
> > vest Berrena was wearing.
> >
> > 6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
> > Selbyville,
> > Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
> > revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
> > trigger.
> >
> > 7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta,
> >
> > 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning
> > a
> > tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
> > snowmobiles.
> >
> > 8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff
> > near
> > Ozark, Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked
> >
> > the spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.
> >
> > 9. AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of bizarre
> > accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by
> > flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of
> > whiplash
> > and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered
> >
> > torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her
> > right
> > hand had been bitten off.
> >
> > Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
> > and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at
> > him.
> > "I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really
> > close
> > to the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it
> > couldn't
> > have been for more than two seconds."
> >
> > However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control of his cab,
> > running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical
> > Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning
> > Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building made
> > her
> > jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he
> > bit
> > down, severing two fingers fromKlesick's hand. Moeller's wound was
> > caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
> >
> > 10. TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
> >
> > three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she
> > had
> > to draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned
> > herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed
> > doctors' suspicions.
> > Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
> > gum,
> > being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she
> > realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to
> > fill
> > with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center,
> > only
> > a few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from
> > her
> > mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill effects.
> >
> > 11. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
> > friends
> > when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
> >
> > the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
> > conversation
> > grew more
> > heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
> > at
> > 4:30 a.m.
> >
> > Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
> >
> > one had
> > brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
> > volunteered
> > and pointed out that a coil of cable had been left near the
> > railing.
> > Improvising, the cable was tied to Bingham's leg and the other end
> > was
> > tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
> > tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
> > survived
> > his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
> > fishermen.
> >
> > "All I can say,"said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me
> > on
> > that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's
> >
> > foot was never located.
> >
> > 12. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a
> >
> > robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the
> > fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his
> > terminally stupid choices as listed below:
> >
> > 1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
> >
> > 2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
> > portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
> > handguns in public places;
> >
> > 3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol
> > car
> > parked at the front door;
> >
> > 4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
> > coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the
> > would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The
> > officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the
> > gene
> > pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't
> > fire.
> > No one else was hurt.
> >
> > 13. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he
> > decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
> >
> > tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to
> > a
> > large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes.
> >
> > He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and
> > fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely and cut through
> >
> > the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
> >
> > the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him
> > vomit
> > the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and
> >
> > was taken to hospital, where he died - of hypothermia.
> >
> > DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS
> > (1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
> > millipede with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet
> > ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in
> >
> > the head, fracturing his skull.
> >
> > (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
> >
> > out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
> > propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
> > floors of his house.
> >
> > (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
> > September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick
> > of
> > dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM,
> > the
> > bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
> > to
> > see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that
> > the
> > window was closed.
> >
> > (4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
> >
> > festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting.
> > This
> > year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were
> > injured,including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said
> > one
> > participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a thousand
> > Morons."
> >
> >
> >
> > AND THE WINNER IS....
> >
> > Japan Times-April 16, 1997 "The government must crack down on
> > this
> > disgusting craze of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon
> > Ratchasima
> > hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will
> > destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."
> >
> > He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai
> > Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.
> > "Most 'Pumpers' use a
> > standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far up
> > their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary
> >
> > high.
> >
> > This act is a sin against God." Charnchai took it further still.
> > He
> > started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't
> > exciting
> > enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try
> > the
> > compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to
> > do
> > it so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not realizing how
> > powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his
> > rectum,
> > and
> > placed a coin in the slot.
> >
> > As a result, he died virtually instantly, but passers-by are still
> > in
> > shock. One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks
> > display, and started clapping. "We still haven't located all of
> > him",
> > say the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted
> > with
> > the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom
> > bomb
> > went off or something." "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we
> > must
> > all say no to Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by
> > all
> > means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
> >
> > Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed
> > Darwin Awards recipient!
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